The Art of the Midlife Pivot: Reinventing Yourself After 40
Most of you see me now and think life has always looked this way, but if you go back 20 years to my 40th birthday, that version of Deanna would never believe where I am today. At 40, I was facing a 17-year marriage ending and a two-year divorce process that brought some of my darkest days. I dealt with the shame, the fear, and the total unknown of what came next.
But looking back at 60, I realize that those hard moments gave me the literal floor to rebuild something entirely new.
In this episode, I’m sharing:
The "Barre" Truth: How a random walk into a fitness studio at 43 changed the trajectory of my professional life (and why I initially thought I was "past my prime").
The Power of "Yes": Why I stopped waiting to be an "investor" and started being the instructor and owner.
From Caregiving to Coaching: How the season of caring for my stepfather led to the birth of Well and Worthy Life.
The Pivot is Real: Why I almost walked away from social media recently, and what brought me back to being a lifestyle creator.
Overcoming the Perfection Trap: My best advice for those of you who have a desire to start something new but are too scared it won’t be perfect.
I’ve been a mother, a business owner, a caregiver, a coach, and now a creator. If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we are always evolving. You don't have to have it all figured out to start - you just have to be willing to be uncomfortable.
Mentioned in the episode
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Hey guys! Welcome back to the Well and Worthy Life podcast. I’m so glad you’re here. I have about 30 minutes before I record another podcast, and I thought—since I have some time, I’m dressed, and I’ve got my makeup on—what better time to talk about reinvention after 40?
I have to say "after 40" because there is reinvention after 50, and I’m sure there is reinvention after 60, but I really had a major reinvention after 40. You may or may not know this, but I got a divorce when I was 40 years old. I had been married for 17 years; he was the man I had my children with, and I never dreamed in a million years that I would be getting a divorce. Divorce had never happened in my family.
Anyway, it was a very, very difficult two years because it took me two years to get divorced. I did a whole podcast on that—which we’ll link to—about the shame of divorce and all of that, so I’m not going into it now. But I had a whole different reinvention of myself after 40.
In fact, I was looking at some pictures the other day. For my 40th birthday, my mother gave me a luncheon. It was so fun; I have all these pictures of me and my girlfriends. Gosh, to think that was 20 years ago—I would have never guessed where I would be 20 years later. That 40-year-old woman has lived so much life in the last two decades, and my life is better than ever.
But it wasn’t always like this. If you’re just meeting me, or if you just found me on Instagram, through the podcast, or on YouTube, then you don’t know my background. You don’t know that life was not always as good as it seems. Life is good, but look, we all still have our bad days, right? I’ve had some really bad days. When I was going through that divorce, those were some of my darkest days. The only other times I can think of that were darker were when my mother died, when my father died, and maybe when my oldest son had bacterial meningitis.
It was a bad time, but it gave me the opportunity to reinvent myself. I’ve reinvented myself so many times over the last 20 years, but let me tell you where my first real reinvention happened. This 40-year-old would never have guessed this in a million years: when I was about 43 or 44, I found Pure Barre.
Pure Barre had just opened in Birmingham, in Homewood. I remember my girlfriends and I walked into a class maybe a couple of weeks after they had opened, and I loved it. I loved the exercise class. You have to remember, this was almost 17 years ago, so there weren't all these boutique fitness studios. We really just had gyms and one-on-one training. We didn’t have all the "things."
When I walked in there, I thought, "I love this so much. I love the music, I love the instruction." At the time, I was divorced and trying to figure out what my next move was going to be. What was I going to do with the rest of my life? I wanted to work, but what was I going to do? All I could think about was owning my own business.
When I walked in there, I thought, "This is exactly what I want to do. I want to own a Pure Barre studio." It seemed so far from reality. I remember thinking that couldn’t happen, and really, the only way it could happen was if I just backed it financially. I remember talking to the young girl, Shauna—who was maybe 20 or 21 at the time—who owned the studio. I said, "When y’all get ready to open another studio, I would like to be your investor." That’s all my brain could understand: that my worth was really just the money I could put toward it.
But let’s go back to that 20 and 30-year-old woman who had always wanted to be an exercise instructor. Remember step aerobics and all that? I had tried to become an instructor at one time in my life, but I didn’t try very hard. My husband at the time really didn’t want me working, and honestly, I couldn’t figure out how I could work and have children. It was beyond my comprehension. Now I see these women doing it today and I’m so proud of them.
So, I wanted to open a Pure Barre. I wanted to back these girls in another studio. When I mentioned it to them, they said, "Deanna, we just opened this one. We’re not looking to open another." I said, "Okay, but just whenever." Then they said, "What about becoming an instructor? We need more instructors."
It was the biggest shock of my life because, like I said, it had been my dream, but at 43 or 44, I couldn’t imagine doing it. These girls were all in their early twenties. I thought I was so past my prime—now I look back and realize I was such a young woman at the time! But I said yes. I said yes because these young girls believed in me.
It was so exciting. I still remember going to training, learning, and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. That was huge. Teaching my first class, I remember being so nervous. Then, a few months later, I got the opportunity to open a studio, run it, and be the majority owner. I did that for six or seven years, and it was a dream come true.
I remember my youngest son telling me, "Mom, I’m so proud of you." It was the first time in my life—other than being a mother—where I felt like, "Yes, I am doing exactly what I should be doing." I felt amazing. I felt like I was working in my "zone of genius." I was on fire. Even though life wasn't perfect behind the scenes, I was learning who I was. That takes a lot of life lessons, and I’m still learning.
It was a total reinvention. I have three sons, I’m on my third husband, and I've had two fathers and two brothers. I have always had tons of men in my life and I never really had a lot of girlfriends. I had a few close friends, but I was never a "girl’s girl." Now, I was a girl’s girl. I was helping women and it felt amazing. I knew my passion was helping other women.
I remember the first time I realized this: I was stretching someone out at the end of class and she said, "Your hands are like magic." It never dawned on me until that moment that I was making a difference. It made me feel so fulfilled.
From there, I reinvented myself in other ways. About six or seven years into owning my studio, my mother passed away. I started taking care of my stepfather, who had Lewy body dementia. I stepped into the role of caregiver for someone who hadn’t come into my life until about 20 years prior. He and I became so close. Those days were tough. I spent four years being his caregiver. He didn’t live with me, but I managed everything—his care, finding the right places for him to live, visiting daily, and making all the decisions. It was such a journey and a privilege. I feel so blessed to have done that; it was another fulfilling role.
After he passed away, I remember thinking, "Now what?" Honestly, he was probably the main reason I started Well and Worthy Life. I saw the stress I was going through as a caregiver, and I knew that stress could harm my overall health. I’m a big believer that stress lowers our immune system, so I wanted to share my journey. That’s when I started Well and Worthy Life.
I started coaching. I got my health coaching certification with IIN. I started coaching a pre-formatted program, but as more women my age going through perimenopause gravitated toward me, I realized that what I was coaching wasn't working for them. So, I created my own program. I evolved and reinvented myself again. It was different because now I had to come up with titles, branding—it was all on my own. I had someone helping me with the tech, Canva, and slide presentations, thank goodness, because I couldn’t have done that alone.
I’ve learned a lot along the way. I have a growth mindset, so I keep putting myself out there. If we continue to learn, we become stronger and feel better about ourselves. My confidence today comes from all the things I’ve tried.
Now, I haven't succeeded at everything. The last time I redid my course on my own, it didn’t do as well as I’d hoped. I got frustrated and decided I was done coaching. I even thought about getting off Instagram and just being a grandmother and a wife, hanging out with friends. But I couldn't just do that. I still have this passion to share.
That’s when I did the "big pivot" and became more of a lifestyle creator—through Instagram, the podcast, and writing blog posts. My goal right now is one blog post and one newsletter a week. When I first started, it was three blog posts a week—that was a lot! But I’ve realized that the more I do it, the better I become.
Putting myself in uncomfortable situations is key. So many people want different things—they want to share on Instagram or start a podcast—but they never do it. Why? Because it's uncomfortable. You want it to be perfect. Honestly, yes, I want people to like me and I want to be successful, but that’s not always going to happen. Failing leads us to learn more about ourselves.
If you have an idea or you're at a point in your life where you need to make a change, I want to encourage you to do it. Don’t overthink it; just do it. Overanalyzing is what stops us. It helped me tremendously to have those young girls at the barre studio encourage me. If they hadn't, I don't think I would have done it, and I would have missed out on so much.
If you see something in someone, encourage them. You don’t know the impact you might have. Those girls changed my life for the better. My life over the last 20 years hasn't been perfect—it’s been up and down—but I never dreamed that 40-year-old woman would look so different at 60. I feel so accomplished because I have helped so many women.
I loved being a mother, but there comes a time when you have to step aside and let your children grow. Now, I can have an impact on midlife women. Even if it’s just sharing an outfit and someone says "thank you," it makes me feel so good. Recently, my husband and I were at a restaurant and a man at the next table stood up as we were leaving and said, "I want to thank you. I follow you on Instagram and you’ve helped so many people." It made such an impact on me.
We all need that encouraging word. We need to share our gifts with the world. That is my goal here—whether it’s the podcast, the blog, or Instagram—to share my real life. It’s not all perfect, and I’m not going to share all the bad stuff because some of it is private, but I want to be real with you.
If you’re thinking about reinvention: do it. Don’t overthink it. And give that encouraging word to a friend trying something new. Be her support.
If this resonates with you, please share it! Tag me on Instagram, screenshot the episode, or email me at deanna@wellandworthylife.com. I love hearing from you. Thanks for listening and thanks for being here, friend. Don’t forget to subscribe, share this episode, and keep choosing what makes you feel well and worthy.
